I can't exactly put my finger on it...I'm not truly depressed or melancholy, and I feel great physically, but emotionally I am just in a weird place. I just can't seem to muster up much energy or enthusiasm about much of anything right now.
I think it's a combination of factors...
Mama's passing/funeral just a month ago, and now the tedious task of tying up the loose ends of her life here on earth. Some of her personal belongings still linger in my bedroom, awaiting my perusal and decision on their fate. I'm not in the mood to go through them yet. Fielding phone calls and receiving mail for her, not quite sure what to do with some of them. Yesterday we met with an estate lawyer who will walk us through the hoops necessary. When did dying get so complicated?
Last week Kim and I found out our long-anticipated vacation to Botswana has to be postponed due to Covid concerns in Africa. We had been planning this trip for nearly 2 years and, especially after the stressful months with Mama's health, we were SO looking forward to escaping to the healing powers of Africa for a couple of weeks. So not being able to go on our vacation is not helping my state of mind.
Covid. Need I say more? I am so weary of this pandemic, it has stolen so much from all of us. For me, it has brought isolation and loneliness and the sad realization that many of my friends that I thought were close and people I could always count on are neither. Even my church family, who I love so much, have let me down. The sheer disappointment in people has been overwhelming and frustrating...if it weren't for Kim and my family I think I truly would be going nuttier than I already am.
Basketball usually gets me through the boredom of winter. But again, Covid has messed that up too. I've only been able to attend a few games, either due to restrictions or quarantines. Ugh. My tennis friends have all gone south for the winter, so no more tennis for awhile.
Add in the gloomy gray days of Indiana winters. I long for snow and bright blue skies to brighten up the cold days.
But...I do know that it is only a season, and this too shall pass. You gotta have the lows to really appreciate the highs of life. And I do know that through it all Jesus is my lifeline, my anchor, my hope.
I guess this is just my season...
...for feeling funky.