I received a long email from the man who was my pastor way back during my youth days. He always did have a way with words, and even as he's in his mid-70s now he still writes with that same flair. As I shared Mama's dilemma with him, he declared that she (and we along with her) is recently experiencing more than her share of vicissitudes.
Of course, I had to look it up...making good on my philosophy that if I'm not careful I might learn something new every day.
vicissitudes: successive, alternating, or changing phases or conditions, as of life or fortune; ups and downs
Life lately sure has been full of vicissitudes...
* It's been almost 6 months since the roller coaster of emotions began for me, and I finally feel like my life is beginning to get back on an even keel. My siblings and I closed a huge chapter on our childhood when we sold Mama's farmhouse the end of March. That flood of emotions was still going strong when Mama had her first fall and her health, both physical and mental, took a drastic nosedive that we haven't yet been able to pull out of. The best we can do is try to stop the downward momentum...it feels like we're swimming upstream.
* No matter how old you get, you never stop wanting to please your parents. I'm trying my best to shake the daughter-guilt of placing Mama in the memory care unit, tucked away where we can't see or touch her for who-knows-how-long. In my mind I know it is the best place for both her and us, yet I still feel like I let her down. Even at 63 years old, I still don't want to disappoint my Mama.
* I hate Covid. I can't even see it, but Satan has certainly managed to use a microscopic virus to create monstrous problems for us all. Perhaps those issues were already there and Covid just brought them to the surface, I don't know. I am so disappointed in our world and in people. I hate the chasms Covid has created in society, friendships, families, and even in the church. Ugh. I pray daily for God to remove this virus from our lives...
* But along with so many "downs," God has graciously mixed in some much-appreciated "ups." I never could have survived with my mind halfway-intact without the loving support of Kim. He has been amazing as I've dealt with Mama. And my family and grandchildren give me many reasons to smile! I can't imagine life without my sunshines!
* Although lately I've fallen a little bit backward in my intermittent fasting/healthy eating way of life, I'm chalking it up to stress and moving on. Thankfully the scales have not moved much, but I can feel the too-subtle shift toward old habits. It's NOT happening! I'm so grateful for the progress I've made and the strong genetic component for dementia that runs on both sides of my family is highly motivating for me to get back on the regular fasting wagon.
* I've been taking photos again. And it feels so good to have that camera back in my hand again!
* And...I've dug out the beginnings of my next book that I started a couple of years ago and then lost my mojo and shelved it for awhile. I've got renewed enthusiasm and started writing again. It's very therapeutic and a wonderful creative outlet for me...and right now I really need both.
September has already had its share of downs, so these last couple of weeks I'm looking for some ups. That's the wonderful nature of...