I searched for the right words, knowing that replying truthfully, "My Daddy is dying and I just found out I have cancer and I really want to lie down right now in a fetal position and cry for two straight days" would very quickly shut down our conversation.

 

Seriously...what DOES one SAY???  Since he is one of my health professionals and my overall health is of concern to him, I did soften the words and tell him a gentle version of the truth.  Only not the last part.  Even my health professional wouldn't know what to do with a grown woman curled up on his office floor blubbering like a baby.

How does one go about diplomatically and gently telling people one has cancer?

Awkward.  It's very, very awkward.

"Good morning.  I have cancer."  That sure puts people at ease.  But it's pretty much how I've told the people closest to me.  Only trying to prepare them from being blind-sided like I was by prefacing it with, "I have some bad news I have to tell you."

It got me thinking.  I'm as guilty as anyone of greeting folks with a "How are you?" when, in all honesty, I really don't want to know.  I want them to smile and say, "I'm fine" and move on.  I don't want to REALLY KNOW how they are, and I suspect most people don't really want to know how I am, either.

Now I realize that I am SO VERY BLESSED to have MANY people in my life who truly DO CARE and I know I can count on to love me through this fire.  I'm not referring to them.  When they say, "How are you?," I know they really do want to know.  But people outside my inner circle...I totally get it that, even though they politely ask, they don't really want to know.  And they certainly don't want me to make them feel awkward.  And I certainly don't want to feel awkward with them either.   

Oh yes, I've been on their other side of similar situations for years. I've been one of those people sharing news about other people (and usually not maliciously or gossipy at all, but just sharing information, as we jokingly say, "in Christian love and fellowship").  It's both the positive and negative part of living in a small, tightly-knit community.  Word travels like wildfire, and everyone knows and wants to know everyone else's business.  Folks are curious.  Most of them really DO care, from afar.  And all that's okay...it's just part of living where we do. I'm not naive enough to think it's the first time people have talked about me behind my back, but now they are watching me AND talking about me.  How am I supposed to act?!  What do I say?  So, so awkward....for all of us!

But I realize now I've got to come up with a good, truthful response to the inevitable greeting, "How are you?"  A response that will satisfy and put people at ease, not horrify them like I horrified (well, perhaps not quite that dramatic...perhaps "dumbfounded" would be more accurate...) my dentist today.

"How are you?"

"What a beautiful day God has given us!"

Yes, I think that might work.

It's a communication problem I've never even considered until now.

Oh, the awkwardness of it all...